Nicollette Renee's Word Vomit for September 24, 2023

 Nicollette Renee's Word Vomit

for September 24, 2023

Hey Y'all! Tonight I would like to share my thoughts on Relationships. I am not just talking intimate relationships with a partner but relationships in all areas of life such as siblings, parents, friends, co-workers, etc. I am no expert on the subject but I am an extremely emotional person who cares very deeply for those around me (those I let in my bubble).

In the past few years, I have been doing some soul searching and I have found that I am truly a good persona and people like the person I really am. I was told otherwise and believed it for so long that I stopped communicating with others and I gave up on making friends. Growing up, my family was, what seemed to me, close and we loved each other and others could tell. As a teenager, that all went away and we became separate and disengaged as a family. 

What I am rambling about is that in this life, I have 8 siblings and 9 aunts and uncles just on my dad's side, along with a huge amount of cousins and their children. It is hard to sit here and think, I do not know anything about them. The realization of this came when I moved back here to Indiana from Pennsylvania this past September. We moved to Pennsylvania in June of 1999. Each move was difficult emotionally and were have-to moves, each leaving people behind who I was close with. I am not very good at starting conversations or going places to meet people even. Every time I have to start over, it takes more time to find the want-to in order to make friends so I am not always alone.

Being an adult, makes things harder in a sense. I hesitate to make friends because it hurts to lose them. When it comes to reaching out to family, everyone has their own lives and have moved far enough away that is hard to get together. Not only that, because of the opinions of those whom I do get to see, I am not sure who I should and should not reach out to.

I had no choice but to move and leave my children in Pennsylvania in order to get myself of solid ground so I can return to them later, solid and steady. My children are my Life! They are what motivates to me to keep going on the path that I am because I am doing well and having support from those who love me is an Amazing feeling.

I work at a small business whose owners are also my bosses. They want us to feel like family and treat us like we are family, not employees. This is a wonderful thing to have because it makes it easier to get up and go to work every morning. Going into work and being able to have conversations with them, knowing that they are actually interested in hearing my answer to their "How was your weekend" question and for them to openly talk about their lives really does make us feel like family.

Moving around a lot as a child and then becoming the 'bad child' has made building relationships hard for me. I am either waiting for someone to turn their back on my or for something to happen that keeps us from being able to see or talk to each other. I am learning that I need to just go day by day but always show those who I have any type of relationship how much I value them. There are only a few people here (those I get to see all the time) that I consider my friend and I met each of them at the place I work and couldn't be more grateful.  

I could keep going on and on but my tired brain is starting to derail and the rambling will start to not make sense. I will do my best to post tomorrow. I hope y'all have a good rest of your night.

Start Strong tomorrow.... Optimism and Positivity is the best way to start Monday.